All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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