I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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