I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
