meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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