dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
