Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
