My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
