yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
