The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
