I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boobs speak an international language.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
