areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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