I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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