Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
