Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
