Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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