If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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