yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
