i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
