bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
