found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
