i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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