No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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