dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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