I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
