I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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