I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
