I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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