You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
