Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
