Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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