Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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