I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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