I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were trust falling into bushes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
