I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
how drunk are you?
Several
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
