remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
