I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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