Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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