And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
