he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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