i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
