im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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