Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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