After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
