I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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