dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
