I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
