peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
