Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
