We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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