it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
